Agonize

Source

These days, agony is just a colourful term for pain or intense suffering. To agonize means to struggle, to suffer torment or even torture. But there's also an inflection of melodrama to the term. We use it when we want to inject a sense of urgency into our personal trials and tribulations:

"I agonized over which shoes to wear with this outfit."

This usage of agonize comes closest to its Greek roots.

Back in the day, "agon" meant "struggle" or "contest." Although "agon" could refer to the kind of contest you have in an athletic competition, my favourite use of the term occured in the theatre.

Greek Comic Masks (Source)

Greek classical theatre usually included a debate between two figures concerning the main conflict of the play. This section of the play was called the agon, and featured two characters - the "protagonist," so called because he or she went first, and the "antagonist," the one who opposes the protagonist.  The chorus - that weird collection of simultaneous speakers who stood for the voice of the community in the play, the collective consciousness of society as a whole, and the playwright - stood by as judge of the agon or contest.

Of the agon, Wikipedia notes: "The character who speaks second always wins the agon, since the last word is always hers or his."

I don't remember all of my Greek drama readings well enough to know if this claim is true or not, but it's interesting. It means that in both comedy and tragedy, the antagonist always wins the agon. In tragedy, this makes sense. In comedy, it makes a kind of sense too. Greek comedy often valorizes the person who doesn't follow the rules, but who rises to the top anyway. Although this person is usually an opposing force to the powers that be, and technically an antagonist, he stirs up the status quo and makes life worth living again.

So the next time you have an argument, feel free to claim that you're agonizing. And make sure you get the last word.