20 February 2010

Something Smart

I once knew a guy who was wise in many ways. He said something incredibly brilliant to me during one of many long and fraught philosophical discussions.

"Your oldest friends are not the best representation of who you are. They are a product of who you were when you met them. You've changed, you're a different person now. You can't possibly be the same as you were so many years ago when you thought that forming those attachments was a good idea. Your most recent friends, they're the ones who represent who you are now."

I'm paraphrasing, of course. It was probably much more gorgeously phrased at the time.

True? Maybe not. Fascinating? Absolutely.

(Going straight from this post and into my novel? Probably!)


Unknown said...

I can think of "old friends" whom I no longer talk to because we tried to still be best friends even after we became very different people. The fall out was not pleasant: I wanted nothing more to do with them because of their drama and they wanted to make drama about me not wanting anything to do with them. I am much, much happier to be rid of all such crazymakers. (Actually, I'm really proud that I'm not friends with them now.)

So yes, I think this dude has it right.

Elizabeth Twist said...

I've been there too. Some people just don't want to let go.

Elizabeth Twist said...

I hasten to add that I've been on the being-dumped side of things too, which always seems much more confusing than the dumping side. Either way, I guess my old acquaintance's philosophy applies. Sometimes what seemed like a match is no longer a match. Who decides or recognizes that is only happenstance.

As an interesting sidebar, that acquaintance ended suddenly and grotesquely at a time when I was in deep trouble in various areas of my personal life. I didn't mean to jettison him. But I was glad at the time to break contact because I wanted as few witnesses as possible to the impending big mess.

What I'm saying is, there are all kinds of reasons why these things don't last.