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19 September 2013

Great News, Sad News

Feline and canine companion news.

I'll start with the sad. The day after Dizzy's surgery, our super handsome Ben cat passed away. Ben spent fourteen and a half of his fifteen and one-quarter years with me. He was never truly good in the behavioral sense, but he was always handsome, and he shared a lot with me and, in recent years, with me and Dave and the dog. He traveled with me to Washington DC when I went there on my postdoc fellowship (twice). He was the first cat I ever owned, and convinced me that a house without a cat is lacking a certain something, and that certain something is not the scent of litter box.

Ben was very sick a year and a half ago. We went through tests and worried that we were losing him and then he seemed to recover. Bottom line, the last year and a half felt like bonus time. True to his mysterious and sophisticated ways he sickened and weakened and got to his last day giving only the barest of outward signs. He was still playing and interested in stuff and bossy even as he was on his way out. Because of that we were able to be fully present and make the decision to let him go humanely. We were both there with him when he passed. He didn't suffer much and he was peaceful when he went.

My favourite photo of Ben.
The last week has been a lot about sadness and the terrible task of putting away or dealing with cat paraphernalia. At the same time, we've been waiting to hear back about the dog's lab analysis with that special mixture of fear and exhausted anxiousness you feel when you've just dealt with a worst case scenario and you're not sure you can handle another one.

Which leads us to the great news. Dizzy's lab report came back and it turns out that the mast cell tumor wasn't. The original needle aspiration was a misdiagnosis. The lump was a sebaceous adenoma, a benign skin tumor. It was rupturing periodically so it was good that we had it removed, but long story short, my dog doesn't have cancer, and never did. We are breathing massive sighs of relief over here. This has been a hideous time and we are glad it's over.

Part of me wonders if the dog and cat didn't have some secret collaboration going on, like the dog summoned up this bizarre and apparently dangerous physical symptom so we would put all our attention on him. That way, the cat could complete his shamanistic death ritual in peace. We will never know for sure.

I am looking forward to things easing off a bit in the next little while so I can, you know, start doing that writing thing again. I hope you all are settling into a good fall routine. Thank you to everyone who commented or sent me private messages on my previous posts. You guys are the best.


12 September 2013

Dizzy Report

First off, thank you for all your support and well wishes for Dizzy. He had his surgery yesterday. Everything went well and he is in mopey recovery.

The positive news is that the tumor, which was small a couple of weeks ago, had slowly but steadily shrunk to less than half of its original size. While mast cell tumors do change a lot (it's one of their traits), they tend to shrink and grow rapidly, rather than just shrink.

Our vet Dr. Kate noticed that the tumor had shrunk, so she was able to modify her original plan and do the surgery under sedation and a local anesthetic rather than sedation plus gas - much easier on Dizzy. The incision is on the back of his neck and about two inches long - not as big as we thought it would be based on some information we read, though still sizable on a little guy.

The staffers at the office reported that once Dizzy woke up, he clucked like a chicken to get attention. I am not totally sure which of his many noises that would be. He makes the strangest noises. It is a little unearthly. It's possible (probable) that he came up with a whole new noise just for this occasion. Apparently everyone fussed over him. They even took a post-op picture because, and I quote, "He looks like a flower!" I suspect that they slipped that green towel into the cage to make "leaves."

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

I tried to take more pictures once we got home, but he got tired of having his photo taken right away.


Ben-the-cat is keeping a close eye on things. He doesn't usually get too close to the dog but he checked him out thoroughly when he got home. Never one to be outdone, Ben is back on antibiotics for an apparent lung infection. It is a festival of sad around here. When I stopped by to pick up the cat's drugs today, I told the receptionists at the vet's office that I was really tired of seeing their sweet faces.

Basically, the next step is to wait and see what the pathologist has to say. Typically results take a week. Fingers crossed for a good result. As usual I'm happy to receive any good vibes, healing thoughts, prayers, mojo, or whatever you've got.

05 September 2013

Scary News from the Vet: Dog Mast Cell Tumor

Okay so. Yikes news today, involving this familiar face:

Portrait of the Dog as Young Dog

About three weeks ago, I noticed a weird lump on the back of my dog's neck. It didn't look like much, maybe an infected insect bite or a strange sort of pimple. Using the powers of the internet, I learned that you should ask your vet about weird dog lumps, since some of them can be serious.

I know. Adorable.

Meanwhile, because everything happens at once always, my elderly cat, who has been diagnosed with chronic bronchitis, decided to go into super cough mode. I ended up taking both dog and cat together to the vet when we got back from our brief trip to the cottage.

Ben Rarely Allows Himself to be Photographed.

Long story short: the cat is basically okay, although hopped up on steroids for the time being. They took a cell sample from Dizzy's lump and it turns out it's a mast cell tumor. On the good side, it is recent and it is tiny. This type of tumor ranges from relatively benign, treatable with surgery alone, to terrifying death sentence. Dizzy's going in to have the lump removed this coming Wednesday. I'm not happy about the fact that my dog needs surgery, but I am happy that I caught it so early and that I didn't brush it off as nothing because it's small.  After that, it's a wait to hear back from the lab (1) to confirm that they got it all and (2) to tell us how serious it is.


Leap.
I am trying not to freak out but I am freaking out quite a bit. Dizzy is under six years old and, besides a history of allergies, he's a pretty healthy and tough animal. I'm hoping it will be okay.

He Knows When You've Been Bad or Good

FYI: I am working with a holistic practitioner as well as with a conventional vet on this, i.e., working on it from all angles of which I'm aware. If any of you have experience with this, please let me know if you know anything beyond what a vet would tell you, or even just let me know how it went for you. Well wishes and generalized good vibes will be much appreciated.

02 September 2013

Best Horror of the Year List, 2012

So I made Ellen Datlow's long honorable mention list for best horror 2012, as did my story submissions role model, Deborah Walker. Alongside, you know, those Stephen King and Joe Hill fellows. Not to mention that Joe R. Lansdale guy. And Tanith Lee. Among other absolutely incredible writers.

I am feeling especially name-droppy right now, clearly.

Off to celebrate!

30 August 2013

Sabotage by Librarians

More properly that should be "Sabotage, by Librarians." Or maybe "Sabotage: Librarian Edition."

So. Beastie Boys, right? Sabotage, yes? Remade by librarians. Absolutely. This is so worth your time.

 

22 August 2013

Magic Beard

I'm out for a bit. I hope you all are enjoying this last stretch of summer. In the meantime, you know what? There's narrative everywhere, like in this adorable stop-motion video by Ben Garvin. Enjoy!

08 August 2013

Interview With Luke Everest

I was going to write a much more fancypants introduction to this interview, but I don't want to stop you on your way to the amazing! revelations! and astounding! true! facts! about Wm. Luke Everest. He blogs at Everest by Fog. He is currently revising a novel, Paint the Raven Black. There's some talk about the task and craft of writing, traditional publishing, martial arts, elevator pitches, and postmodern science fiction. Enjoy!

 
ET: First things first: what kind of stuff do you write?

LE: A year ago I would have answered, "Whatever I think makes good practise."  My sole focus was the craft of writing. Since then I've found my own artistic purpose.  I write what you might call "realist speculative" fiction.  I see speculation as metaphor for life, on social, political and personal levels.  I don't stick to Science Fiction, Fantasy or reality.  My imagination just doesn't work that way.  I don't want to fetter myself to any genre or type of reality.  So long as it helps express some realistic, gritty story, any amount or type of speculation belongs, so far as I'm concerned.
 
Oddly, at the same time, I have a passion for Sword & Sorcery.  I intend to produce one novel of what I'd call serious art per year, and do some hard-core violent S&S in the meantime.  I write very quickly, so I can get away with it.  I just have to find some way for fans (if I ever have any) to distinguish between them.  And I'm not using a pen name.
 
 
ET: When and why did you decide to start writing?

LE: I've always wanted to write, but I hadn't always admitted it to myself.  Everyone who really knew me thought I should be a writer.  Sadly that list didn't include myself.  Between the ages of 8 and 14 I really just wanted to change the world.  I thought people weren't empathic enough.  Then I started complaining about it in words, and well, here I am!
 

ET: How do you organize your writing time? Or do you organize it?

LE: That's a surprisingly difficult question.  On most days, I don't have to organise.  I almost always wake up excited about what I might create, and I just sit with my work and enjoy every second.  But we all have off days.  Sometimes I wake up feeling like crap, and I think about everyone who's stuck in an office somewhere, remembering all the days in which that was me, and I make myself work from 9 to 5.  Back when I had a full-time job I just sat and wrote for a few hours every day after work.  As for some kind of day-plan for writing, I don't have one.
 

ET: You're working on revising a novel. Would you like to give us your elevator pitch / quick rundown of the plot?

LE: After his sister's death, a young man finds himself in a therapeutic hospital.  A victim of extreme passive abuse, he has lived in his imagination his whole life--no physical friends, and a completely subservient relationship to his family and sister.  He has no understanding of why he's been stripped from his home, and at first sees it as a justified punishment.  As therapy progresses and his self-identity improves, he begins to suspect a supernatural conspiracy that has plagued his life since early childhood, justifying his parent's subduction of him, and being responsible for his sister's death.
 
 
ET: Generally speaking, I tend to find the drafting process to be a messy joy, and the revision process to be plain hard work of the "chop wood, carry water" variety. How do you find the revision process vs. the drafting process?

LE: The only thing I find frustrating is my own impatience.  I love writing, but I really want to make something of my life and make all the sacrifices worth it.  When I started Paint the Raven Black I had no idea what story I wanted to tell.  I just had my character, and a vague idea of him being in a therapeutic hospital.  I've been in such hospitals, so I wanted to give a realistic perspective on them.  The problem was, I pulled the trigger before I aimed the gun.  It wasn't a pleasant mess.  It was writing my way out of a black hole, trying to make sense of something I'd made nonsensical through poor practise.  Had I more patience, I would have just taken a hard look at my idea, cleaned the slate and started again.  It's the pondering phase I need to spend more time on.  The reason for this ramble is to say, so long as I'm being productive towards sculpting a good story, I enjoy every second, no matter what phase of creation I'm at.
 
 
ET: Your short story, "Clement's Blessing" (Chrome Baby 1), features a protagonist with an unusual ability on the soft side of paranormal (he's different, but not Superman different). Its setting suggests a gritty realism. Does this represent a typical blend of story elements for you? What is included in your usual story-telling toolkit?
 
LE: I'm honoured that you chose the words "gritty realism"!  Whenever I'm asked what kind of thing I want to write, those two words pop out.  Clement's Blessing will in fact turn into a novel one day (maybe even my second).  Realism and grit are certainly things I shoot for.  I like stories to reflect our lives, and I like writing about the darker side of humanity.  I write what I like to read, but more than that, I write what I can't read, because it doesn't exist yet and that frustrates me.
 
Now, I think any writer would agree that your question either warrants a very short or a very long answer. I'm choosing the latter so bear with me.
 
As far as reading goes, I only like books with gritty realism, in terms of narrative and theme.  As for a storytelling toolkit, I suppose I'm always pondering the blind spots of humanity, and wanting to make people see.  That sounds pessimistic, and even perhaps arrogant, but I think it's important to follow our artistic instincts.  Ray Bradbury used to say he'd never worked a day in his life.  He'd dream, meet people, ponder, learn and write.  That's what I do. 
 
The truth is I love people.   I can sit and watch an elderly gentleman feeding birds in the park, just thinking about how wonderful it is to be full of sentience and spirit.  Then I'll walk through the streets of London and wonder how many vibrant human faces I've been blinded to, simply for sheer quantity.  I'll think about the facelessness of civilisation, about how many other elderly gentlemen could feed the birds if they hadn't died over some invisible, arbitrary line drawn by some angry, economically and/or politically powerful idiot, maybe centuries ago, named a "border", over some previously untainted land.
 
I think about such things because I love people, not because I hate them, but it's definitely such thoughts that make me want to write.  I don't force my imagination in any direction, but gritty realism is what has to spring from my nature, and I'm very happy with that.
 
 
ET: You mention in your post "Giving Thanks and a Story" that "Clement's Blessing" was "one of the stories that got me an agent." Can you tell us about that process? 

LE: My agent-getting process was insane.  I've studied writing for a long time.  I have an MA and an MFA in Creative Writing, with distinction (that's like straight A's, if you're North American).  Once I finished the long apprenticeship, I just buried my head in my work, trying to improve my craft, comparing myself to the likes of Ray Bradbury and Guy de Maupassant, not submitting my work anywhere because it, obviously, didn't measure up.  I even had the privilege of meeting Iain Banks once, hearing him tell me I was "wasting my talent" and "squandering my ability", but I never listened.  Finally a friend, a published poet, insisted that I show him two short stories.  I reluctantly acquiesced, and he loved them, insisting that he send them to an agent.  Around three months later, Leslie Gardner (who represented Anthony Burgess--a serious woman with very high standards, and a serious long-shot for me) got back with a short critique of each story, which I took to mean that I wasn't good enough to be a client.  My brother convinced me to write Leslie back and ask point-blank if she'd represent me.  I reluctantly did so, and she got back 15 minutes later with a yes. 
 
I was sitting on the sofa feeling sorry for myself, being consoled by my fiance, when I checked my phone and read the email.  All I remember is my muscles, including those in my face, draining as I gaped at my phone and said something.  I can't remember what.  "Oh my god" or "Whoa" or "Bhu-duh-goop-ga" or something.  Ruth (my fiance) asked if I was alright.  She worried I'd just read that something terrible had happened.  Then the smile came.
 
 
ET: In your post "Spank Me" (nice title), you draw on your martial arts training experience to talk about the process of undergoing critique. (I have a martial arts background too...had to look up Tukkong Musool. Looks hardcore.) Besides knowing that you can keep going despite fear or any other emotion, what has your martial arts training given you as a writer? 
 
LE: Tukkong Musool is a military system.  I was taught by Ebe Ghansa, Chief Instructor of the Gurkha Infantry and Senior Instructor of the South Korean Special Forces.  I met and trained with the 27th Anti-terrorist Division of South Korea.  To put them in perspective, the 606 are like the SAS or the SEALS.  The 707 are the most elite members of the 606.  The 27th, well, you get the idea.  The amazing thing was, after training every day with Ebe, I wasn't blown away by the guys in the 27th.  They were better martial artists than me.  Of course they were.  But they didn't beat me every time.
 
Ebe Ghansa (my teacher) taught me that you can get good at a thing through hard work, and once you're good, you can compete with anyone, even at the very top.  It's a myth that the best fighters are invincible.  When you're trained to be dangerous, that's it.  If a person who's better trained makes a mistake, or takes you lightly, you'll probably win the fight.  Ebe taught me that the great writers on my bookshelves aren't better than me.  They might be better writers for now, but the difference is I'm still alive, in my prime, and I'm getting better every day.  The only thing that will determine whether my work stands among the greats is me.
 
An aside:  given that my other passion is Sword & Sorcery, and I've studied a great deal of Asian mythology, you can imagine where my blood and guts fiction might take you.  Look up "Temple of Mirrors" at Short-story.me if you're interested. [Ed. note: here it is.]  I wrote the story a loooong time ago, so it's not very good by my present standard, but it's the kind of gritty, realistic martial arts brutality that I intend to get into my S&S.  No axe wielding Vikings for me, and certainly no "Blam!" "Kapow!" action.  I know what real combat looks like, and feels like, and I will create fiction accordingly.
 
 
ET: In your post "Science Fiction and Post-modernity," you argue that science fiction's "Golden Age" was built on a foundation of challenging cultural norms, but because scientific development has become a cultural norm, it falls to science fiction to challenge science itself. I would argue that in our culture, science has become a new kind of fetish, wherein we throw all of our hopes and dreams with the expectation that somehow it will all come out right. So "science" represents not only discovery, research, and understanding how the world works, but the potential for redemption and all things good. Do you think science fiction has no choice but to continue to "go dark" in order to stay fresh? Is there such a thing as optimistic postmodern science fiction?
 
LE: There's a complicated question!  I literally could write you a PhD thesis in answer, but I'll try my best to keep this brief.
 
Let me preface this by saying Post-modernity doesn't mean what most people think.  You seem already to know this, but I'll clarify for readers.  I mean post-modern in sociological terms.  Many people just think it's like modern art, but even more so.
 
Sociologically speaking, Modernity is a time characterised by the idea of civilisation's forwards momentum.  We were (and still are, some would argue) in the modern age for centuries.  What's different now is that society has lost its eschatological referents (the tendency to refer our social values to a future state, one of presupposed self-evident value and/or significance). 
 
Virginia Woolf once wrote an essay called Mr. Bennet and Mrs. Brown, in which she talks about what it means to construct a meaningful character.  What makes Mrs. Brown so distinctly different in post-modern society from any other is that she can't know herself by any pre-defined societal value referent.  She has to ponder herself in the mirror.  That's where speculative fiction comes in.  It has the power to create metaphors for our own realities, and explore reaches of character unfettered by assumption and social, psychological or even physical norms.
 
I think people do sometimes place hope in science, but I also think most people fear it.  This is an age of extreme ambiguity.  That's why distopian sci-fi has become both typical and popular.  So in that sense it's "going dark", as you say.  However I think that questioning the value of science is a good thing.  I also think those questions have more than one answer, so going dark isn't the only option.  Basically, so far as pure science fiction is concerned, I believe it's very fresh and topical to question the meaning and value of change, and change, really, is what science fiction has always been about.  I think in that sense it can be a very interesting, diverse time, so long as writers do indeed question science and progression (Modernity) on the deepest level.  I'm not so sure that's the case presently.  SF is about change, and Post-modernity is about listlessness in the face of change.  It's an interesting juxtaposition that I think can produce some really great art.
 
I don't think listlessness is inherently pessimistic, either.  Modern society has done a great deal of evil as well as good.  To question its inherent value and ask ourselves where we stand, now, as human beings is to ask what could make things better as much as to claim what's wrong.

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